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August 11, 2004
What's Been Goin On, Part I
So the past 6 months have been very tumultuous for me; I've changed my career path, re-evaluated my Spiritual life, and had my heart ripped apart by Mel.
I'll start with the breakup, since it's probably what most everyone is curious about anyway. This was the worst breakup possible. I mean, this was the type of breakup that tears two people apart and deals irreparable damage to the relationship between them. Wow, looking back on it, I have no idea how I got through it. If I had it to do all over again, I would have cut things off the first time I learned about "the other guy." Knowing Mel as I did, I should have known better than to stick around. It would have saved me 6 weeks of hell, and probably would have prevented me from going into depression and needing Zoloft. Oh well, what can you do when you're in love? Turns out, I loved her more than she loved me, and I'll just leave it at that.
So yeah, I was pretty bad off. I was on Zoloft, for a little over 3 months. If it hadn't been for people like Julie, Corey, Joel and Katie, who knows what would have happened to me. Thanks, guys, for your support and understanding. I really really appreciated it. I would have been so much worse off without you guys. I recently cycled off the meds.... I should have cycled off for a little longer... those withdrawal symptoms were killer. I still am a little dizzy late in the day, but way better off than I was the first few days... whew, those were doozies. Terrible headaches and nausea. Oh, and the crazy moodiness and emotional sensitivity were fun, too. I mean, I was practically crying at everything from the dead possum in the road to the "Jesus in Art" special on PBS to the shear beauty of high definition tennis. It was crazy. Man, I'm glad that phase is over.
Anyway, I'm finally over the whole situation, though I will never be over Mel. That's the way love works. You never stop loving someone, no matter what they do to you or your heart. If something changes, then it wasn't truly love. With the exceptions of Honduras and the union of J&K, which pretty much required we be civil to each other, we've only spoken a handful of times. We'll never be friends again. It's sad, really. Would I take her back? Dunno. My heart would say yes, but my mind (and all my friends) would say no. It's the epic battle of heart vs. mind, of romanticism vs stoicism. Which would you choose?
That's all for now. Stay tuned for Part II of "What's Been Goin' On." I told you I was back!!!!
Posted by josh at August 11, 2004 11:22 PM
Comments
Sorry to hear about your depression. Hopefully the medication didn't have any long lasting side effects.
If you are taking requests, I'd like to hear about this trip to Honduras. Sounds interesting. I have a friend from Honduras that lived in North with me, and he told me some things about it, but I'd like to hear an outsider's perspective.
Posted by: Matt at August 12, 2004 02:46 AM
All in good time, all in good time! If I post everything all at once, I'll end up with nothing to write about later!! I'll get all burned out and won't have any desire to post anymore. We wouldn't want that, now would we???? :)
Posted by: Josh at August 12, 2004 03:04 AM
this post hurt me a lot. i know i deserve it, if there's any balance in the universe. i shouldn't have posted here. i'm sorry.
Posted by: mel at August 12, 2004 08:33 AM